Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
