I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
