i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
