I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
