I smell stomach acid.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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