We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
People in love make me want to vomit
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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