you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
