i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
