He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
