After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
