I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I deserve this hangover.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
