And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
