I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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