Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize