I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
