Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
