Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
