Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
