i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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