I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
