the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
