She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
