Is it because I queefed?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
