dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
