someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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