I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's like iHOP with fire
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
