Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
