It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
