shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
