Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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