Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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