I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
