Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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