oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I stole a fireplace last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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