Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
