girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
