would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
