You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize