Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
