my vag is so smooth its legendary
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
