put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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