So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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