Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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