The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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