Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
