You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
