I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
