Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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