i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize