Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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