Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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