You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
