Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
