Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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