you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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