That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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