You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
