You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
