If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize