Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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