dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
