The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize