I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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