You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
