I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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