woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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