This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
