fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
