i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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