i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
